Teary November

How long has it passed

Since the first time I remember her smell

I know the smell of lavender

And I know hundreds smell of different flower

But her scent is always special

Cross the moment beyond place and time

It's a smell of unending love

It's the smell of my mother's embrace...

Today is the last day of November.  I…always like the month of November…always!  There is no apparent reason.  Maybe..it simply because the sound of it alone is so poetic (at least for me).  And the first ‘touching’ love story book I read during my teenage years was titled..November Of The Heart.  And as I grew up..fell in love and out of love…I did have a few good memories happened in this particular month. Well..as some of you knew, I have some part in me that is poetic…so maybe that’s why.  I don’t know!

But all these romantic adoration towards this particular month finally tainted by a tragedy.  And suddenly I don’t like it anymore.  November is still sound poetic to me…in a different way.  My mother was called to eternal rest in the month of November 3 years ago.  So, from that day on..November only reminds me of lost and tears.

The picture above is my favorite picture among all the pictures I took with my mom.  We took that picture back on 2008 where we and other family member having a great time planting an oil palm in our family land. In that picture, both of us look dirty, we don’t dress up…but that’s what I like about the picture.  It’s always remind me of how hardworking my mother was…and how tough and strong she was until the end. I am so proud of her.  

And the poem…it’s a poem I read for her during her funeral.  The poem actually is a citation from a longer poem with title ‘Song To The Beloved Kindred’ which I created 5 years before my mother’s death.  I never knew it will become my farewell poem for her.  And the sad thing about it, I never read that poem for her while her heart still beating.

But..what done is done.  Let bygone be bygone. I write this post…just to remember her. Once again, I am not there to visit her grave this year.  And somehow I talk less and less about her. But mother…I never forget. My silence….my dry eyes…it’s all because I am trying to heal my heart.  But never will I ever forget!  I know you are in a better place now. Rest In Peace Mother.  I love you... always have been, always will be!